The Secret Life of a Killerkaratefrog

So I possibly saw the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life last night on Grey’s.  The character, Todd, is a closeted soldier, whose boyfriend was going to have a experimental brain surgery. The father of the patient catches the two kissing and figures out they are gay. Sadness. What really got me was seeing him cry.  There is nothing more heart wrenching for me than seeing a grown man cry. Better yet he was a very good looking chap who could actually act! I have not connected with a character like I did with Todd since I discovered Queer as Folk.

It took me about twenty minutes to figure out the actor’s name: David Giuntoli. He was on MTV’s Road Rules. Looking back now, I had a huge thing for him back then too! Oh I so wish he was gay!

There isn’t much on the internet about him, which is a bummer. I would d like to see more of him.  He definitely would attract a large fan base if he did more with gay cinema!

Here is a picture of the two actors who played the roles of the gay soldiers. Giuntoli  is on the right! The other actor is Benny Ciaramello from Friday Night Lights and he did a excellent job too!

Grey’s Anatomy brought me to tears last night.  Not just watery eyes or single tear or two but a full on waterfall.   Last night’s episode “The Becoming” had an amazing side storyline. Essentially it involved two gay soldiers, one which was going in for brain surgery. The storyline dealt with hidden love, the father of the soldier with the brain tumor walks in on the two kissing. On his way into the very risky surgery the soldier refuses to see his boyfriend in fear of disappointing his father. He doesn’t make it through the surgery.  Right after the doctors informed the family the boyfriend confronts the father and demands to be a part of things and know how he is doing, he then finds out he just died. The scene ends with the boyfriend saying goodbye to the dead soldier.

Now (if you’re straight) imagine living a life where you barely saw any movie or TV show where the male and female lead fell in love, and you’re entire life all you saw were gay characters and nothing that really applied to you, other than the perceived stereotypes.  You would be pretty ecstatic about seeing this. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy movies gay or straight, but it is rare for me to feel like I can identify with a movie or TV show.

The Gay Cinema is pretty pathetic, most of the movies are poorly written, campy, and for the most part reinforce the gay stereotypes.  Well, instead of complaining about it and doing nothing I have decided to take action. I have started writing a screenplay that is driven by gay characters and specifically written for a gay audience.

I have written about 15 pages so far, with this particular story I am aiming for anything between 90 and 120 pages.  Thanks to my training in college I am pretty adept at filming, directing, and editing that I can pretty much produce an entire film for practically nothing. My goal is to have something I could hit the festival circuit within the next couple of years.  

There have been a lot of things that have been happening in my life lately that all pointed me towards this and last night’s episode just sealed the deal.

So wish me luck. I am sure I will need it.

And I couldn’t be happier!

Physically I have never felt this good! Mornings are no longer an issue for me. I feel rejuvenated; I actually have energy at the end of the day! I definitely feel that this was the best decision for me.  I have given up all meat except seafood , which I only have had two servings of.

Mentally, I feel much better too, it has helped with the anxiety and such. Most of the time I feel calm even though I am going through some pretty tough stuff right now. In the past I would not have been able to cope with the current situations. I would have never thought I could indeed cope but do it in a way with minimal anxiety.

I have a feeling that this new adjustment to my diet will last longer than the anticipated 2 months.

So after about three years of serious contemplation I have decided to get a tattoo. Yes I said a tattoo. At this point nothing can deter me. I have thought about the design I want and the meaning behind it for well over a year now. I wanted the tattoo to mean something and not just be some generic design chosen from a book.

My inspiration was my family’s coat of arms. I took elements from the history of my family and created distinctive coat of arms for myself. I wanted to weave the past and the present together, and something that is uniquely mine.  I have been fascinated my entire life with the age of kings, knights, and vast kingdoms.

I chose my fathers side to pursue due primarily that the tradition that the coat of arms was paternal and not maternal. Even though my mom’s side is the more famous of the two, I am pretty lucky that both sides of my family during the medieval/Renaissance time periods were nobility. My mother is a Spencer (yes as in Princess Diana type Spencer). The family branched and one side stayed in England and the other came to the new world. Both sides were very prosperous and wealthy. The North American side lost their wealth 2-3 generations ago. My mother’s aunt was worth millions (mind you that is in the 1930’s), she had Alzheimer’s and her wealth was squandered by the lawyer who managed her money. My mom inherited the remainder of the Spencer fortune (about 100K when she finally died). So the future King of England is a very distant relative.

My father’s family had their highlight a long long time ago. Some of my father’s older descendants were the half brother of King Richard II, a nephew of King Henry V of England, and two were heir presumptives to English throne, and there were many Dukes. So if I were to live in that time period I would have done very well and owned a castle or two.

WordPress is not allowing me to upload my tattoo ideas right now so another post will be coming soon!

I am excited about summer camp. It has been far too long. I spent a majority of childhood at this particular camp. From fifth grade until I was eighteen. My mother worked there so I was there all summer and then when I was old enough I started working there.  I thought I was too cool after graduating high school to go back. That was a huge mistake! That place instilled so many good life lessons and kept me out of trouble that I wish I could change everything about the last 4 years and redo it. My former coworker who started working there the same year I did is now Camp Director and I know that if I had stuck it out there that probably could have been me.  I am so excited at the prospect of having no cell phone reception, no internet, and marginal hygiene and I am not being sarcastic. There is something very primal about camp and I love it, I need to reconnect with my former self and nature. That’s it I need a technology detox!

It is pretty lonely up here right now. I have lost pretty all contact with my college friends. Everyone is off doing their own thing.  One of my very good friends is graduating in May, and then leaving the area.  One of the only reasons I stayed in Vermont was because of this friend. It has been a very rocky three years with this friend, some of the best times and the absolute worst times. So I think it is a good thing that there is going to be some space. I am worried about him flaking on the money he owes me. There is lots of history there that when I am less vulnerable will be shared. Right now I can’t think about it….ugh men really do suck.

Its been awhile since i have been forced to meet new people. So any pointers and tips would be appreciated!

My roommate is pretty chill; she works for Comcast Cable so we get every channel pretty much imaginable! Yesterday I spent an hour trying to figure out what I want to watch… We work opposite schedules so essentially the apartment is mine. The only thing I need to do is essentially come out to her…I don’t think it will be a big deal… She is pretty liberal and most of the time I have no qualms about making sexuality known. This time however I am a little anxious and may put it off some.

For Administrators Assistant Day my boss gave me a gift certificate to a health food store, so I went a stocked up on my new vegetarian fare and kicked off my first official day as a vegetarian. Things are going well. It doesn’t hurt that I grew up surrounded by the basic food consumed by vegetarians therefore I am not scared of Tofu, seitan, etc. etc.  I also picked up some men’s multi vitamins. My goal is to feel comfortable taking off my shirt this time next year. So wish me the best of luck

So I am officially moved out of the hellhole that was my home since August. I found a much better apartment and roommate with only 6 days notice! Pretty impressive, especially since I was only looking for a two month sublet. After my ex roommates plan to replace me with someone new, who would be paying a higher rent, right away fell through she tried to backtrack and get me to stay and pay another months rent, and that I “screwed her over” for leaving when she asked to me leave. She then proceeded to threaten to take me to court.  I made it evident to her she had no grounds—we had no written lease, none of the utilities were under my name, her original lease prohibits subletting rooms, and would make it quit clear she partakes in illegal activities on a regular basis…Rule  #1 Do not mess with this queen I will burn you!